dear child

i had hoped to keep you
innocent
so much longer
told teachers to leave you be
told you to explore and run and play
you, who loves to dance
and sing
you, who i knew
would be bored
in school

yet,
here we are
you have been found out
not by your family,
because of course we knew,
but by that grade three test
and then the other ones that followed,
to make sure…
and how proud grandma will be
and how terrified i am
for with genius
comes a curse

dear child,
you are more that your big brain
you do not have to be the smartest
to be loved

i love your terrible temper,
and hope to help you master it,
though for now you are so young
and a reliably sore loser

i love your too-loud
off-key singing,
the way even as a baby
you swayed to music

i love the way you love yourself,
parading in front of the mirror,
styling your hair and checking out
your own wiggling bum

i love your stubborn refusal to pee
before the cottage drive,
and the inevitable
highway-side pit-stop

i love your sense of humour
creeping into my room
at 5 am
in vampire teeth

i love your refusal to go to bed
always “scared”, or “hungry,”
thinking of any excuse
to prolong the day

i love your cuddliness
always leaning in,
climbing on,
draping over…

i love your honesty
earnestly confessing a misdemeanor
and your attempts to lie,
red-faced and guilty

and yes,
i love your too-big brain,
but don’t let it define you,
my child, my love

i am afraid
of the peaks and caverns
of your over-charged mind;
afraid for you

the line between genius
and mania is blurry
too many ideas
competing for ascension

the clamour
can become dark
and dangerous;
depression

you have inherited a gift
and a curse
that not all your ancestors
have survived

but i hope
fervently, feverishly,
that you will remain
innocent

1SageFemme All Rights Reserved 2017

lost

hours

grew

imperceptible

time
yawned and
g   a  p  e  d
swallowed lives
easy as inhaling

she was

diminished

fingers frozen into
question marks
thoughts
sssluggishhh
she felt

nothing

her face knew the act
recite,
react
nod and smile
an automaton
murmuring reassurance
singing lullabies
forever and forever
calling into the wind

“come”

she hid the

dissolution

of her soul
until whispers
penetrated…
her malaise

exhaling,

she blinked,
her image
resolving,
solidifying
once more.

1SageFemme All Rights Reserved 2017

Mother of Pearl

Trapped in perpetual irritation
Fleeting thoughts fuel anxious
Adrenalin soaked nightmares
Lost children, slow-motion escapes,
Dead-end alleys, dark
And darker
Triggers
The mind dances nightly
Lurching and halting into dawn
Unable to form the write
Sentence
Structure
Damnit,
Theories scratch the cortex
Nano-particles racing to surround
And smooth,
A nacreous encapsulation
Turning ugly memory
Iridescent
I am full of pearls now,
Choking instead of speaking
Slowly turning to stone…

1Sagefemme All Rights Reserved 2016

i lie

writing pain,
like watching
scalpel slice soft flesh,
fascinates;
warm liquid oozing
surface-ward
surface-word
in the direction
of consciousness
making visible
the unpalatable
knowledge of weakness
of having not overcome
fear
even in the absence
of danger

my conceit
thinks me strong,
pats me on the back
and cries “skol!”

smiling,
i clink the chalice
and watch a spider vein
traverse the once-clear
skin of glass;
never mind
i have other skins,
a skein of catgut
and a needle

i lie,
i lie,
there’s only this one,
and i’m not done with it
yet

1Sagefemme All Rights Reserved 2016